James's Weblog

So everyone knows that Star Wars: Episode III is going to suck and blow harder than Charybdis. Episode I, Episode II, and Lucas’ butchering of the original trilogy certainly don’t provide much evidence to the contrary. (Han shot first, damnit.)

Not only will there doubtlessly be poor dialogue and worse acting by the main players, but we already know the plot. We know where Episode II leaves off and where Episode IV begins; we only need to connect to the dots. Yawn.

“Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.” or “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

But maybe there’s a way to salvage this mess. What if we don’t know what we think we know?

For example, everyone is expecting Anakin to become Vader. What if he’s not? Perhaps Vader is a clone of Anakin. This could explain a few things:

• The stupid midochlorian plot element of Episode I. It could have been written in as a (lame) way to get a blood sample from Anakin sent off to Coruscant.
• How Vader was unaware that he had children. Perhaps they weren’t his but instead were the original Anakin’s.
• Obi-Wan’s lies and half-truths from different points of view. Maybe Vader really did kill Luke’s father.
• Why Emperor Palpatine, while speaking to Vader in The Empire Strikes Back, refers to Luke as “the son of Skywalker”.

Or it could be the other way around, and a clone of Anakin sires Luke and Leia.

Of course, it’s far more likely that Episode III is going to be another boring piece of trash with nothing substantial to add. I can dream, though…

(“Nerrrrrrrrrrrd.”)